dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
