I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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