i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
