That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Randomize
