why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
