i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Randomize
