That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
