it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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