why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
