AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
