If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Randomize
