Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
too bad you live with your parents still
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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