she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
My penis needs a shock collar
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
