You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Randomize
