3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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