I am in a vortex of obligation.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
