doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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