when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
