I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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