I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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