So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just took my morning after pill in the library
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Randomize
