Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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