i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
