I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize