evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Randomize
