farters have to be the big spoon...
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
