OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
