the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
