Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
