I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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