i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize