I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
