If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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