her vagine was all disorganized.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
