goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
