He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
