so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize