She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
