Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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