Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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