I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
