Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
My balls are so social today.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
