Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
