Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
