Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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