You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
