he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
