At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize