he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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