sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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