do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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