I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I just want to make out with him forever
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
