Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
