I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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