ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
