I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
