super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize