I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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