my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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