I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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