So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just found a bag of teeth...
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
