I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
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