you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
