If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Randomize
