Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
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