ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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