The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
