Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(203): View more from Connecticut

these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?

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(850): View more from Florida

I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.

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(312): View more from Illinois

if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself

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(214): View more from Texas

It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.

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(360): View more from Washington

It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.

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(914): View more from New York

He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.

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(303): View more from Colorado

Can I chase this vodka with an onion?

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(402): View more from Nebraska

Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.

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