i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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