This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
‎"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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