So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I just had sex on a roof
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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