O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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